Part 5: I can’t read your mind
Very little is more frustrating to an executive than a follower who is “stewing” and clearly bothered by something, but won’t say what it is. The classic, “No, everything’s fine” to inquiries from genuinely concerned executives leads to everyone walking on eggshells and nobody talking about why. Such manipulative behavior is one of many forms the expectation for clairvoyance takes. There may be a sudden burst of surprised disappointment when a follower expresses their displeasure over not being given a plum assignment they never conveyed any interest in – until it goes to a colleague who stepped forward and asked for it.
“You should have known that I wanted it – I’ve been here for five years for crying out loud,” is another common form of clairvoyance, and was actually a statement made to one of our clients. He was stunned by the insinuation that he had deliberately withheld the opportunity from one of his direct reports in favor of giving it to someone else. As we probed a bit with our client, we discovered that he had little knowledge of this direct report at all. “She’s quiet, doesn’t say much in meetings, but she’s a solid performer and gets her work done.” He knew she was married, but didn’t know her husband’s name or if she had any children. He vaguely remembered her having a graduate degree, but didn’t recall in what. Turns out she’d spent years going to school at night to get her Masters in Advanced Financial Analytics and was dying to use what she’d learned. With increasing technology and a subsequent need to do something with the mountain of information appearing on everyone’s desks, she was hopeful she could dive into the data and help create processes for analyzing it and applying gained insights to key opportunities. Of course she’d never told anyone of her desire. She failed to let her aspirations be known, and the executive failed to have sufficient knowledge of a key resource on his team whose contribution was being sub-optimized, and who was feeling marginalized as a result.
What they really want
What followers really want is to be seen and known. Of course, they don’t truly expect you to read their minds. But most people’s experience of the workplace is not of being understood, but of being watched and judged. They too often feel labeled and pigeonholed. As cliche as it may sound, knowing those you lead, and letting them know you, allows for a relationship of mutual regard that brings out both of your best contributions. Absent the need to keep up a front or hide, followers feel free to express ideas, volunteer for assignments, push back on assumptions, challenge common practices, and trust that you will see them for who they really are, not judge or misperceive them. While you don’t have to read your follower’s minds, you do need to read them, gaining insights into them, and applying what you learn to how you lead them.