As an act of rebellion, I recently watched the commercials. You know the things that are about 20 seconds long and happen between segments of a traditional television show? One such commercial was for a new TV show on a major network. “Breathtaking” one quote claimed then faded out. “I can’t stop thinking about it,” another quote faded in. But the interesting thing was not the trite endorsements for another forensic show, but that the endorsements were coming from Twitter accounts. Rather than newspapers or famed critics, the network was pulling tweets from random fans to give acclaim to the new series.
This marketing tactic lines up with predictions for 2020. Advertisers are projected to spend $2.4 billion dollars on non-celebrity-influencer campaigns this year. Consumers don’t need Entertainment Weekly to say a show is great or Roger and Ebert to tell us that a movie is going to be memorable. Today everyone feels they have a voice and as such we believe our voices can influence others.
Fueled by our desire to influence others, our meetings are full of interruptions and everyone “adds their two cents.” We fill our social media streams with whatever daily wisdom we feel the world can’t do without. We admire anyone who can get time on a TedX stage. And we devour books on the art of persuasion and influence. With behavioral scientists pounding the importance of finding your purpose and using your voice and inviting others to do the same, it’s no wonder that the pursuit of personal agency – our innate human desire to feel we matter – has manifested as a desire for broad influence.
The word “influence” comes from the Latin “inflow” which gives a poignant image of information streaming into our eyes, ears, and pockets. We feel this. We feel the energy of inbound information – emails, ads, tweets, and texts. But when does this inflow become too much? And when the volume and force are so great, is anyone really truly being influenced?
As we start 2020, a year guaranteed to be packed full of inflow, we suggest flipping the script of our outbound agency. Because what is said loudest is not necessarily most important. What is said the most is not necessarily the most valuable. True influence comes when we listen, not when we speak.
All relationships — family, friends, colleagues — are strengthened when we engage, understand, and empathize with others. So rather than using market research to design another campaign to reach your customers, telling your team what they should be working on, or powering through another board presentation, what if this year we all just stopped talking and tried to listen?
As we enter 2020, let’s turn our ears, minds, and hearts towards a few key groups that we often ignore or talk over.
Listen to your customers.
All of us have customers and many of us have data on them. But having data on a customer you claim to serve is no different than having a resume for your partner. It’s information without heart. Listening to your customers is not merely about gathering information that you can use to better serve them. The act of listening to them is serving them. The connection that is formed by asking your customers about their needs establishes invaluable trust. Empathy and observation propel you towards connection and that connection enables you to serve your customers more effectively. Go to them. Talk to them. Connect to them.
Listen to your team.
“Time to talk” may be the most dreaded words in the workplace. When leaders hear those words, they fear complaint and rebuke. When those lower in the organization hear these words, they imagine being escorted out of the building or told of their disappointing failure. But what could be more important to a business than the trust created when a boss talks to her subordinates? Our research shows that 91% of highly engaged employees say their opinion is known and valued at work. The only way you can understand someone is if you make time to talk to them. Try it this week. Set aside 15 minutes and ask someone to tell you a story.
Listen to your critics.
Being attuned to the spoken and unspoken concerns of others demonstrates an openness to their views, a willingness to engage ideas different from ours, and honors the courage of others to express divergent perspectives. Why not sign up for a 360 assessment or simply take your office rival to lunch? Most importantly, come ready to learn and not to defend yourself. You know that colleague you irritate the most. Reject your well-built narrative that explains why “they’re the problem” and why your behavior is justifiably moral. Go to them and say, “Look, we both know I do things that piss you off, and the truth is, I don’t want to. I’m going to shut up and listen, and I want you to honestly coach me on how to be a better colleague to you. I can’t promise to do everything you ask, but I will promise to listen and genuinely try harder.” I double-dog dare you.
Listen to your life.
“Before I can tell my life what I want to do with it, I must listen to my life telling me who I am,” says author Parker Palmer. In an attempt to refine and share our voice, so many of us miss what our life is trying to tell us. Palmer goes on to say that when he lived a life without reflection, “I had simply found a ‘noble way’ to live a life that was not my own, a life spent imitating heroes instead of listening to my heart.” Are you burnt out? Can’t find joy in your work? Not sure where to go next? Chances are that your life has something to tell you. Slow down and create space to assess who you are and whether you are living the life you intended (or the one that someone else intends for you).
As we imagine you now see, the risk of listening is not that you will lose your influence, but that you will be influenced. This act of listening has the chance to shape you, your leadership, and your organization’s future for years to come. It will shape how others experience and understand you. And ultimately, it will refine and season what comes out of your mouth when you speak, likely rendering a more lasting influence.
If we take the risk and commit to being better listeners this 2020, I’m certain we will hear things that we can’t stop thinking about and the change that occurs within us will be breathtaking.