In the eyes of many executives, “receiving feedback” consists of little more than paying attention during an annual 360-degree performance review—but there’s so much more to how team members respond to feedback at work.While these reviews can be helpful, they have important drawbacks: chiefly, because they allow people to hide behind anonymity, they can easily become replacements for great conversations instead of instigators of them. Dialogue matters. Without it, a leader (or employee) is left to interpret any negative feedback entirely on their own, subject to their own preconceptions and without clarifying context.
That’s why one-on-one feedback is so important. But even this is necessary but not sufficient. To get the most out of the feedback process, there are certain best practices you should be aware of.
Being “good” at receiving feedback is a lot like losing gracefully in sports: both require humility, integrity, and a willingness to sit with uncomfortable feelings. (A sense of proportion and/or humor doesn’t hurt either.) It’s plenty easy to respond to positive feedback at work and kind words. A cinch, really! But how do you react when the feedback is a lot more critical?
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In the previous post, we offered six tips for successfully delivering feedback and six things to avoid. In a similar vein, in this post we’ll offer six tips for successfully responding to feedback and six things not to do when it’s your turn on the (hopefully) not-so-hot seat.
People Who Receive Feedback Well
Team members who receive feedback well will internalize and respond to feedback in the following ways:
- Paraphrase. There are two major benefits to paraphrasing someone’s feedback. The first is that repeating back what someone said, in your own words, shows that you’re actively listening to them and absorbing what you’re saying. The second benefit is that the process of summarizing itself helps cement the feedback in your mind, making it easier to recall down the road when an opportunity to apply it presents itself.
- Request clarification. People who are good at receiving constructive criticism never shy away from asking for further explanation if they’re unsure of something. Rather than nodding and smiling to get the thing over with, they’re interested in truly understanding the intel they’re getting.
Test others’ views. Whether in group meetings or one-on-one situations, employees need to feel comfortable pushing back on peers and leaders. After meetings where particularly difficult issues or decisions are discussed, one leader I work with asks team members, “How do you feel that went, and what could I have done differently?” Her team has come to realize she genuinely wants pushback and accepts it graciously. Any feedback leaders and followers exchange should ultimately strengthen the relationship, not strain it.
Quote
“Average players want to be left alone. Good players want to be coached. Great players want to be told the truth.”
– Doc Rivers
- Solicit others. The most basic way to know what people think of you or your policies is to, well, ask them. If you’re not soliciting honest dissent, it’s unlikely you’re hearing the truth about what it’s like to work for you. This means that if you don’t have people routinely offering respectful disagreement or raising concerns about actions you’re contemplating (or have already taken), you might have a feedback problem on your hands. There’s such a thing as too much positive feedback.
- Practice openness. It can be hard—sometimes really hard—to hear negative feedback. But assuming it’s delivered respectfully, you owe it to them and yourself to hear them out. As mentioned in the previous blog post, feedback provides accountability: it’s how we learn where we’re deficient and where we should focus our self-improvement efforts (or, if the feedback is positive, where we’re kicking butt).
- Self-examine. What kinds of projects, and what kinds of people, bring out your best? How about your worst? When you receive feedback from different stakeholders, see if you can match the person’s reaction (positive or negative) to a behavior of yours. Be brutally honest with yourself. This kind of exercise can help you isolate the conditions or people that cause you to perform well or poorly. Once you understand the larger context of a behavior, you’ll be in a much better position to reduce it or increase it.
People Who Don’t Receive Feedback Well
There’s bound to be at least a few people on your team who don’t respond to feedback well. Here’s what their responses might look like:
- Justify. “Nobody told me.” “It’s not my fault.” “I had to do that.” It’s perfectly natural to want to explain ourselves, especially if we’re being criticized in a way that feels negative or unfair. Successfully accepting critical feedback, though, requires being gracious; you don’t ultimately have to agree with someone’s perspective, but you should at least allow them to express themselves in good faith. After all, only they know how they felt after the action you took.
- Blindly accept. While you certainly shouldn’t try to debate someone giving you critical feedback, neither should you simply nod your head during the interaction. You’ll get the most value during the exchange by engaging with them at appropriate times. Where appropriate, ask the person clarifying questions: What unforeseen problems occurred? How could I have done things better? What did I miss? What do you want or need from you in the future?
Express anger. This probably won’t come as much of a surprise, but getting angry isn’t a good way to make someone comfortable enough to offer candid feedback. It’s natural, and frankly understandable, if something you hear ruffles your feathers. Maybe someone completely misconstrued an action you took or something you said. Maybe they assumed the worst. Whatever, it’s almost inevitable that you’ll disagree. But it’s critical to keep your calm during the process.
Tip
If you’re having trouble receiving feedback without arguing or getting upset, this doesn’t mean all is lost. It does mean, however, that you need to practice. Spend time rehearsing these “hard conversations” with a close friend, spouse/partner, or coach—or, if need be, a therapist.
- Blame others. If you were wrong, you were wrong: own it. This is really hard to do, of course, which is why others are much more willing to extend the benefit of the doubt to team members and leaders willing to take responsibility for negative actions or behaviors. Blaming others, however, suggests the opposite: that you lack self-awareness and maturity. Team members will be sure to steer clear, to everyone’s detriment.
- Don’t acknowledge triggers. All leaders have buttons that get pushed. Some leaders react defensively when confronted with mistakes. Others become sarcastic or passive-aggressive when they don’t get their way.
And some become impatient when things don’t move quickly enough. Whatever they are, self-aware leaders have a handle on their triggers—and can accept it when others point them out.
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- Withdraw. Receiving feedback can understandably feel uncomfortable, especially if what you’re hearing comes as a surprise. But it’s important to hang in there and hear someone out, respectfully, even if it’s hard (this is especially true of leaders, many of whom are conditioned to believe they know what’s best at all times). Shutting someone down will all but ensure your bubble of knowledge remains unpunctured and your growth stagnant.
The bottom line is that it’s on you to figure out how to productively respond to feedback at work. You owe it to your team members to receive their suggestions with an open mind and a helpful attitude. Anything else just wouldn’t be constructive.
Help Team Members Improve Their Response to Negative Feedback at Work
Building a strong team requires a lot of give and take, and that certainly applies to communication. Cultivating a strong team environment so your team members aren’t afraid of receiving feedback is a crucial piece of the puzzle. Leadership coaching helps you learn how to build that environment.
Become the leader your team deserves. Contact us today.