The day I decided to quit my job was Thanksgiving 2006. With a cast on my hand and an international calling card, I was struggling to dial my family’s phone number on the payphone in the Singapore hospital’s waiting room.
I was burnt out, exhausted, and homesick. Hearing my family excitedly talking about the meal they had just shared and how they were getting ready to play games made my heart ache in a way that made me decisive. I needed a change.
Have you ever been there? Not the hospital in Singapore. I wouldn’t recommend that. I’m referring to the moment when you know, deep within you, that regardless of the cost of the transition, you need to make a change.
Starting the Transition Process
For me, it took several months to coordinate the timing, but by early 2007, I had quit my job and had a plane ticket in my hand to Fez, Morocco to spend time with my sister. I knew what was coming. The transition process was like an old familiar sweater that I could easily put on and shrug off. By that point in my life, I had moved 12 times, and most of them were International relocations. I knew my sister and I would jump into our usual transition coping tricks. Cling together, invite friends, and get into the Routine. The Routine, no matter where we lived in the world consisted of a few things:- Weekly listen to This American Life
- Sundays find church
- Read the NY Times Modern Love article
- Do yoga
- Watch Oprah (Oprah fixes everything. Always find Oprah.)
Phase One – Denial
I was now an unemployed tourist in a foreign land. When people think about change, it is often viewed as a beginning, but there is that very important step of closing out the previous chapter. That loss is what usually kicks me into the first phase of transition – denial. I was oblivious at first that I had made a significant tactical error. Leaving a job without a plan, let alone another job, is not recommended. I was so focused on the excitement of closing out my job and heading off on a new adventure that the anxiety of uncertainty hadn’t hit me. That lasted the whole flight to Morocco and even the first week because being a tourist in North Africa is a lovely distraction. It was that second week when I started to get antsy. Previously I had been working 60-70-hour weeks, so the shift to having nothing on the calendar was jarring. I would also look at my dwindling bank account and started to wonder if quitting my job without another job lined up was wise. I went through the motions of the day in a bit of a fog as I was distracted by the constant questions of:- What am I doing?
- How will I get another job?
Phase Two – Resistance
This was compounded because my French is terrible, and I would wander through the souks hearing words I couldn’t understand and stuck in my own thoughts. Then came the trough of despair, phase 2 – resistance. I started to write in a journal as I felt that I needed a place to vent my emotions. I was moody and not very fun to be around and let my anxieties run wild with fears that I would never work again, would never marry, and my sister and I would be watching Oprah, doing Yoga, and listening to This American Life into our 80s.Call-out/Tip
What I realized was that the change I was going through was self-inflicted and that I was my most reliable option for getting myself out of this jam. By focusing on what I could control (how I spent my time, what I wanted to do with my dwindling funds, etc.), I realized that I had the power.
Phase Three – Exploration
Never one to wallow too long, I realized I needed to figure out my options, pushing me into phase 3 – exploration. I started researching different career paths and thinking wildly outside the box.
- Should I become a full-time tour guide?
- Go back to school?
- Apply for a job in Morocco?
I shifted from full-time negativity to a mix of anxiety and excitement. I personally love the exploration phase. Not knowing what is on the horizon, can free you up to try different future versions of yourself.
I put together a list of life goals, which I still have an evolved version of. The list of life goals helped me evaluate my options and hone in on how I wanted to spend my next chapter, studying cooking. I carefully budgeted how much it would cost, which helped me adjust my vision from culinary school to a six-week-long specialized course.
Phase Four – Commitment
I identified the timeline and started to settle into enjoying a new identity of an enrolled student tourist in a foreign land. I had made it to the last transition phase – commitment. Every time I go through a momentous change, like Oprah, the four transition phases are there with me –- Denial
- Resistance
- Exploration
- Commitment