For a lot of people, giving feedback to an employee, peer, or manager ranks alongside triple root canals and extra-long airport security lines on a list of things they enjoy—and that’s not even approaching how to give feedback to an employee.
It’s no wonder, then, that some workers haven’t given or received feedback in years—if ever. It’s simply not something that many people want to do. Studies consistently confirm this. In a 2016 report conducted by communications firm Interact Studios, for instance, more than two-thirds of managers surveyed admitted they were often uncomfortable giving feedback.
The problem is that constructive feedback is absolutely essential to a well-functioning organization. How can you help someone be better at their job if they don’t even know they’re lacking in some aspect of it? (Or, on the flip side, bolster their self-confidence if they’re doing a great job but aren’t aware of it.)
Left entirely to their own devices and self-perception, the majority of workers will remain clueless about how others experience them, for better or for worse—in my experience, usually for worse.
How to Give Constructive Feedback in the Workplace
Providing good positive or negative feedback is obviously a delicate art. On that note, here are six tips for doing it right, followed by six approaches to avoid.
Constructive feedback is:
- Specific. Focusing on a specific pattern of behavior or incident is much more effective than saying something like, “You always do [general undesirable action].” For one, practically speaking, it’s a lot harder to change a general behavior than a specific one (consider the difference between “exercising more” and “running three miles twice a week”). Two, highlighting something specific shows that you’ve been paying attention.
Descriptive. Even if someone’s behavior has been challenging, your feedback should be offered as dispassionately and unemotionally as possible. Most people can’t help but feel vulnerable while receiving feedback, and displaying your frustrations, even if justified, can quickly shut the other person down.
- Recent.The best time to offer feedback is soon after an incident that you find objectionable. Waiting to provide feedback until the “timing is right” or a relationship is perfect is a dodge.
If you reference something from long ago, it will make the recipient wonder why you held back for so long—and how they might have improved their performance or addressed any shortcomings all that time ago.
- Intended to help. Your guiding principle should be the same as a doctor’s: “Do no harm.” Take the effort it takes to convey that your interaction is sincerely meant to help the person become better (and not in a fake, Office Space-esque, passive-aggressive way). Even if they don’t receive your criticism as well as you’d like, keeping your cool will reassure them that you’re not there to keep score.
- Feelings-centered. Rather than ascribing motives to someone’s behavior—which may well turn out to be incorrect—it’s far better to talk about the results of the team member’s behavior, e.g., how it made you feel. Doing this saves you from guessing their intentions, which may have been positive in their mind, freeing you up to focus on what really matters: the outcome. Instead, tell the person how their actions impacted you. For example: “While I now understand that it wasn’t your intention to do so, during the meeting I felt you dismissed my input because of how often you interrupted me and opposed my ideas by restating your own more adamantly.”
- Limited in scope. There may be numerous things that are bothering you, but you’ll be better off focusing on one or two, at least for the time being.
Being barraged with lots of criticism, even if it’s supposed to be “constructive,” can feel a lot like being plain old criticized. When you limit your focus, your target will be less likely to feel singled out, increasing the chance that they’ll take what you have to say to heart.
Quote
“True intuitive expertise is learned from prolonged experience with good feedback on mistakes.”
– Daniel Kahneman
The Downsides of Non-Constructive Feedback
Non-constructive feedback has the opposite intended effect, as we see below. It’s:
- Vague. Speaking in generalities or beating around the bush is frustrating at best for someone who’s expecting, and deserves, feedback they can put to practical use. Be direct but respectful, letting the person know exactly how their behavior is affecting you and/or your team. Mind your passive voice!
- Judgmental. There’s no quicker way to put someone on the defensive than coming off as self-righteous. Your message is far likelier to be received in a package wrapped in empathy and understanding. There’s a big difference between constructive feedback and scolding.
- Ancient history. You’ll be well served by establishing a statute of limitations when it comes to offering feedback to employees and managers. In most cases there’s very little to gain from dredging up old issues, but there’s certainly a lot to potentially lose. Keep your focus on behaviors that are fresh in everyone’s mind. If you’re going to wait until a performance review to offer feedback (which I don’t recommend), it should at least focus on things that happened within the previous year.
- Intended to hurt. It should go without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: if you’re using an opportunity to provide feedback to take digs at someone, you really need to rethink your priorities. The purpose of feedback is to help build people up to become their best selves, not tear them down.
Learn more about how to give feedback to peers:
- Motives-centered. The type of feedback you give is important. Assuming you know someone’s motives for why they acted a certain way can quickly get you into hot water. What looks like abruptness to you may look like passion to them. The truth is, oftentimes we simply don’t know how we come off in a given situation. All the more reason to assume the best (or better yet, nothing at all), and focus instead on the results of someone’s behavior, not what you think caused it.
- Overloaded. Most people aren’t masochists: if they’re going to be critiqued, a little goes a long way. Strategically offered feedback is far more likely to motivate someone to improve themselves than being dumped on. As much as possible, be sparing and focused with your suggestions.
Tip
If you’re nervous about giving feedback, adjusting your framing may help you take some pressure off.
Instead of thinking of your interaction as something that’s stressful and negative (which it may not be), consider viewing it more neutrally, as an information exchange. Assuming you offer your constructive criticism respectfully, its ultimate goal is to help the person you’re giving feedback to improve in some way.
Giving meaningful, change-provoking feedback is rarely fun. But in an ideal world, you shouldn’t fear them like you would those above-mentioned root canals. If you’re truly, deeply uncomfortable having these kinds of candid conversations, it’s probably a sign that your relationships with other people in your organization are weak. No degree of skillful delivery can compensate for this. But you also can’t wait to build a culture that’s perfectly open and strong.
If this describes you, consider the following feedback: You ought to work harder to cultivate stronger relationships with people. It won’t happen overnight, obviously, but you can certainly improve in this area. When you do, all those hard conversations and giving negative feedback in the workplace will become a little easier .
Don’t Know How to Give Feedback to Employees? Work With a Leadership Coach
Cultivating strong relationships with your employees requires clear communication. The first step to building that communication is working with a leadership coach. Identify issues, develop long-lasting solutions, and build the workplace your team deserves.
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